put your phone down + mean it, too.
i’ve been going through old blog posts and this one in particular caught my heart to share again. i wrote it on February 24, 2021 - Cal was just 2 years old at the time. my, how time flies! it’s one of those ‘oldies but goodies’ in my book. the type of blog you read 3 years after it was written and it still resonates in the here and now. so here’s to sharing it, 3 years later. and here we are 3 years later - it’s wild to look back and realize just how far the grace of God can bring us when we are willing to l e a r n + g r o w + implement.
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“put your phone down,” i whispered to myself as we waited for the red light to turn green again. it was automatic for me – a red light meant i could grab my phone. i looked in my rearview mirror and saw our cutie little gal pal looking right back at me. my heart sunk for a moment – how much more quality time could i have with her if only i wasn’t so attached to my phone? the reality of that truth sunk in in that moment as i continued to look at her through my rearview mirror. a big ‘ol smile stretched across her face as she realized i was still looking at her – now smiling – too.
it was a smile i wouldn’t have seen had i not put my phone down.
my desire has always been to be a stay at home, work from home mama. and i’m blessed because that’s exactly what i get to do and be! SUCH a gift! yet it becomes increasingly clear to me that building a business from home AND hanging out with our babies at home are two jobs in and of themselves. and if i’m not careful, or intentional, or willing to see growth opportunities and set boundaries – i’m going to half-ass both.
maybe you’ve felt it, too? that gnawing anxious feeling. that tug at your heart to check your phone again. and again. and again. because why? i’m not sure why it might be for you, if you feel this too. but for me?
because i’m bored. because it’s mindless. because i’ve trained myself to reach for my phone to fill empty space or silence or stillness. because FOMO. because i want to be the best business owner i can be. because it’s actually my job. [okay for real, can we as business owners stop using this as an excuse to ALWAYS be checking our phones?! it’s not necessary or sustainable] because i want to make sure no one needs me + everyone is okay. because i. because i. because i. you get the point.
another instance: Cal and i were heading downstairs to hangout, and i realized i’d left my phone on my desk as i was already halfway down the stairs. “hang on Cal pal,” i said. “i have to get my —” “PHONE, mama?!” Cal finished my sentence for me. our 2 year old finished my sentence for me. another one of those moments in which it became clear: “put your phone down, Shal.”
boundaries – they’ve been everything for me + my sanity. it’s been an intentional choice in so many moments of our day to day. and for all of you ladies that are work from home, mom from home kinda gals: we’re not created to feel that ugly, awful tension between our phones + our babies day in and day out. we can actively choose to be present in business AND be present with our babes. and heck, maybe you’re just super attached to your phone or ipad or laptop or something completely different that’s taking your mind + heart + attention away from the people you want to be most present with. i think we all have room for improvement in some way, shape, or form, don’t we?
boundaries. it’s been a work in progress. yet, i’m realizing in this Lenten season that He’s speaking clearly into the attachments i have + hold: “listen first. see first. be still first. be bored first. be present first. come to Me first.”
dang, God. okay – i hear You.
y’all, the people placed in front of us matter. the reason i wanted to be a ‘build a business from home’ kinda mama is because i wanted to have + experience the FREEDOM it is to go to the Science Museum or swim lessons or to ice cream with gal pal whenever we wanted to. NOT so that i’d feel like i had to check my phone [mindlessly, or not] all of the time while on a girls’ day with her. maybe that resonates with you, too.
we can do better. we can grow. it’s a daily, moment by moment choice. there’s nothing passive about intention. and maybe it’s not just with our kiddos. maybe it’s putting our screens away to be most present with our family and our friends. maybe it’s INTENTIONALLY choosing not to scroll while we’re in line to checkout at the grocery store or in line to grab coffee. perhaps it’s – instead – making eye contact, in a rearview mirror or with the person standing in line beside us or with our spouse across the table – and smiling in the silence.
and in that silent smile, we can communicate love + sight + joy. we can communicate intentional presence and gratitude for the people in front of us.
i’m still growing and failing and tweaking and trying new things to be most present with Cal, most present in my business, most present with Matt + all those around me in the day-to-day. it’s not always easy and it takes work. because being intentional is work. but it’s the kind of work that bears fruit, always.
as for the practicals – here are some things that have really helped me stay present in my faith life, family life, fitness life and ‘biz owner life. maybe something resonates with you, too.
always show up + hang with God. it doesn’t matter if it’s imperfect, messy, not a ton of time, you don’t know what to say, etc. show up any way – listen first. He’ll meet you in the silence if you give Him any silence at all.
wake up before the rest of the family to work on your business. it’s what i like to call smart sacrifice. we all know that sustainable businesses require sacrifice – and i’m willing to show up and sacrifice. but not at the expense of time with my people. [setting the coffee the night before helps me a TON!]
turn notifications off on apps/emails/texts. set time aside each day to intentionally check in on all of the above. turn phone/smart watch on silent mode [i have Matt and my parents set on EMERGENCY contact so any notifications from either of them will still come through to my phone even when on silent mode]
leave phone in another room when i don’t “need” it. if i’ve intentionally worked my business in the early AM, i don’t “need” my phone for anything else until Cal [hopefully] takes a nap in the PM. i’ve honestly gone back and forth with this one because i love taking pictures of Cal when we’re just doing stuff. i’ve found, though, that i’d become so prone to taking pictures and videos of everything that i wasn’t necessarily even experiencing HER presence in those moments. it’s honestly why i typically go mute on instagram/facebook stories once she’s up in the AM – it’s because my phone’s in another room altogether + i’m trying to just soak her up!
have a TOP 3 list for the day. whether it’s laundry or business-y things or running errands – have a TOP 3 things to get done + let the rest be the rest. if i get through my TOP 3 for the day and can do a few more things – great! if not, i’ll bump the next priorities up to my TOP 3 for the day to come. it is rare that anything is an actual emergency – especially if you’re taking the necessary time to plan ahead.
as i’m wrapping up #5 above, i’m hearing Cal stir from her nap. [honestly just hoping her clothes + diaper are still on and that she hasn’t peed in her crib again #momlife] so here i go – choosing intentional presence though i’d REALLY love to get this up + posted + just move on with it. God’s always teaching me more about patience though. so i’m off to smile at Cal, face to face, + be 100% mama to her, too.
let’s lean into the challenge it is to dismiss distraction, yeah? let’s lean into the challenge it is to set healthy boundaries that allow us to love + serve most – in each area of our lives. let’s lean into the challenge it is to put our phones [or insert your screen of choice here] down + mean it, too.