who do i want to become?

there it is. the question that’s been heavily on my heart since Lent began.

who do i want to become? who did You create me to be?

we are not loved by God because of what we do or what we produce. we are deeply loved by the God of the universe - our Creator - simply because we e x i s t - born from love, for love. He is a good Father and His desire is to draw us, always, deeper into Himself. that we may be made new. that He may chisel away all of the parts of us that are, actually, not a part of us at all…

and so it is: the pruning and refining. the growing and the letting go. the intersection of surrender and trust. the juxtaposition of sorrow that leads too deep and abiding joy! the becoming.

this Lenten season, as i sit next to Him under the olive tree, i am in awe of who He is. of His tenderness. compassion. understanding. knowledge. i am in awe of His deep and abiding love for me. and it is because of His great love, that the becoming makes sense. i am filled with a desire to want to become who He created me to be - which is - more like Him.

God’s had me reflecting a ton on the past 10 years of my life in particular. 10 years ago, i was in my second year of law school and despised everything about my season of life. [little did i know that in just a few months, i’d meet Matt for the first time!] i wrestled with who i was becoming because so much of me felt out of alignment as i entered the 4 walls of school, day in and day out. in a lot of ways, i felt like i was becoming less of myself as i trudged forward.

i knew within my heart of hearts that i had a passion for women’s health and wellness. i had a desire to learn more about the ups and downs of my own health. i had a pipe dream of starting my own business within women’s health + wellness. and aside from all of that, i wanted time + financial freedom. i’d never been a sit-behind-a-desk-for-forty-hours kinda gal. and - amidst the rest - i desired to be a wife and a mom someday, too.

10 years ago, it was really hard to see how God could make a way. i felt like everything i wanted to become was out of reach for me. it felt - in many ways - that i was walking in the exact opposite direction of where i wanted to go and who i desired to be…

and yet, i stayed put right beside Him.

and i look back now and realize that all along - i was becoming exactly who He desired + created me to become, simply because i remained in His presence.

i did not BECOME because of what i did, but because of whose i was [and am!]

when we know whose we are, the surrounding circumstances cannot inhibit growth. we may be shaken by life but we never cease to become when we simply follow The Way - and it is Him!

so in this Lenten season, i am being reminded once more to REMEMBER. remember His love for me. His suffering for me. the ways in which the way of the cross felt a lot like the opposite of what a King would be willing to take on. i am being reminded to REMEMBER all of the moments in my own life that felt heavy and uncertain and confusing. i am being REMINDED of His faithfulness in and through it all.

and so once more, i find myself tethering my heart to His own.

REMEMBERING that i will become exactly who i am created to become as i remain next to Him, at the foot of the cross - waiting with hopeful expectation and an overwhelming sense of gratitude because there truly is no such thing as wasted time for the believer. with Him, resurrection, redemption, and restoration always awaits.

wherever you find yourself on The Way - stay near to Him. He will use all things for your good and His glory. He will work all things out for your good and His glory. and what’s more? He remembers your faithfulness to Him, too. stay tethered in the becoming - He can lead you nowhere but to new life.

praying for you as we enter the last half of lent. may we continue to become who He created us to be - without fear, without anxiety, without doubt. with hearts filled with the assurance of His great unending, never-failing, always steadfast love for us.

SCB.