Texas + All It’s Been
i turn 35 tomorrow…how can that be?
if you’d told me at the beginning of this year that i’d be celebrating my 35th birthday as a Texas resident, i would have been absolutely confused as to how that might be the case. yet i’m learning - slowly - that our God is a God of surprises. and this journey to Texas has been just that, a sweet surprise we didn’t know we needed.
next week will mark living here in TX for 3 months. and in this time, so much has occurred. i think i could probably write a novel on God’s goodness in and through it all, but what keeps coming to mind to share are some succinct takeaways in particular that have met us in this new season…
give your entire self to God and He will make the way as perfect as it needs to be. we are learning that what we envision for our lives isn’t always what turns out to be what we need. and gosh - if this move to TX wasn’t that exactly…answering so many of our prayers. some in ways we had hoped for, and some in ways we definitely didn’t expect.
let dreams die and God will bring new, beautiful, abundant life your way. y’all know me - i am a dreamer at heart. this one - let dreams die - is a lesson i think i’ve been learning all year. it began with my word for the year - MOTHERHOOD - and the realization that i dreamed of having lots of babies under toe. and that hasn’t been our story. in prayer, and over time - i’ve come to realize that i can let dreams die in order to make space for what God needs of me in this life. it’s a bittersweet approach to our lives here on earth, isn’t it? learning that a part of surrendering to God’s will is allowing what i want to die in order that new life may be born as He intends - for my greater good and His greater glory. i mention that lesson in this year of ‘motherhood’ because it translates directly to our move to TX. we thought we were ‘COLORADO FOREVER!’ [a dream we held tightly!] and it wasn’t until we let that dream die that we were open to whatever else He had in mind for us. and here we stand: living out numerous dreams that have revealed themselves over the past 3 months that we didn’t even know were inside us. the letting go and the receiving - it is all tied together. and in it all: He is generous! i’m learning that it’s not that He intends to hide the way from us - it’s that, sometimes, we aren’t open to any other plan but our own.
His timing is perfect. i was marco’ing back and forth with my dear friend, Molly, and she said something that i hadn’t considered before. i was explaining our upcoming weekend plans to her which included a few birthday parties. she responded with: “it’s beautiful what your openness to TX has led to: you’ve been praying for YEARS to do life with ‘your people’ and God’s bringing them all to you - you don’t have to go looking for them.” what she said shook me to my core and made sense in a lot of ways…if you know anything about our story, you know that we’ve struggled with porn addiction in marriage. i’ve written about it elsewhere and we are an open book about our journey, but for now and to keep it short: while Matt and i desired a strong community of friends, we weren’t at a place to pour into one as we waded through the deep waters of addiction. we had a lot of work to do within our own marriage, both as individuals and as a married couple. for as hard and devastating as that journey’s been for us over the years - it simultaneously provided an opportunity for us to lean in, to learn what it really means to fight for and with one another, to actively receive the Sacramental Grace that’s available to us, to learn what true healing means - not trying to white-knuckle it on our own - but work through it all within His heart. we needed that time to ‘put on the armor of God’ and now…here we are. Matt and i talk often about why we think God moved us here - we don’t really know the answer to that aside from the fact that He made the ‘how to get to TX’ very, very clear. the rest continues to reveal itself to us. but we do know this: that we’re here for this incredible community of people that have so graciously received us into their lives just as we intend to receive them into our own lives. even as i type these words, i am in utter awe of how beautiful it’s been for ‘dry bones’ to come to life. Matt’s currently out playing pickleball with a group of great guys as i type this. i’ve been meeting really lovely women left + right… via bible studies, being introduced after Mass or at school, etc. the people keep coming in ways they never have before in our lives + we’re here for it all + pray that we can pour into this community just as much as we already feel poured into.
trust the Holy Spirit. we spent this past weekend with two couples we love dearly. we drove down to College Station together - ladies in one car, guys in the other. it was such a special time of conversation for us gals. we chatted a ton about Faith, our relationship with the Lord, prayer, etc. i shared the story behind my sleeve tattoo [that to come next month…maybe] and how it was a time of deep prayer last September that was the catalyst for it all - how death always, always leads to new life. we’d started talking about how to know whether or not what we’re receiving in prayer is simply of ourselves or inspired by His Spirit. and you know, that’s a question i asked myself a lot as we were contemplating this move to Texas: “am i making all of this up?! or is this really of you, Lord?” and what i kept coming back to was this - go where the peace is. because where there is peace [or any fruit of the Spirit], there too is He. and when we walk in and toward peace, one step at a time, we practice the skill of learning to attune ourselves to the Spirit living in and through us and what the Lord is laying on our hearts - even when it seems crazy! or unexpected! or both! as i sit here, almost 3 months in to living in TX, i can look back and vividly see every way God encouraged us to grow in trust of His Spirit. it’s been my experience that as i grow deeper in Faith and relationship with Him, He gives me more and more choices to make…He didn’t force us to move to Texas, but invited us to choose to be open to His plan. and in our openness, we have grown to trust, more and more, our ability to hear His voice and discern His movements - that what we receive in prayer IS from Him, and we’ll continue to follow the peace.
[PS. shoutout to my sweet Matt who edits each of these posts + helps me think through all my thoughts - you da real VIP. let’s keep adventuring.]